What Inspires me in Life by Sydney M.

What Inspires me in Life by Sydney M.

Life is not perfect. There are good times and there are bad. Many factors can contribute to this; for me however it was my depression. I have what’s called Major Depressive Disorder. I would love to say it sounds worse than it is, however the name sums it up quite well. As far back as I can remember I have been depressed.  I had a lovely childhood and amazing parents, however I could not enjoy them because of the chemical imbalance in my brain.

When I was in second grade my family moved up to a small town in Iowa, we lived right off the Mississippi River. Small towns are different than places like Gwinnett. The town has grown up together, most were born there and died there. Outsiders were not welcome. In Georgia a new student is never the new student for long; in Iowa I was the new student from 2nd grade to 7th grade (When my family moved back to Georgia). Kids would pick on me, steal my homework, spread rumors, anything to make me feel like an outcast. That environment contributed to my depression making it a million times worse.

In 9th grade I met this girl who became my best friend. I became dependent on her. She did not like it if I would spend time with other people and any of her hobbies she would force on me. If I ever got strong enough to question her she would make offhand comments that she knew would hurt me, so I would go back into my depression. She was my best friend until senior year, the year that I decided to fight back.

I met a new friend group about a month in to senior year. They all had depression and anxiety just like me. The four of us supported each other. They got me out of my friendship with that girl and instantly my life was better. I started going to a therapist, got some medications, and made new friends. I started to feel real happiness again.

The pills do not fix everything however. It is still a daily battle. There are many things that inspire me to keep fighting on a day to day basis. The most prominent one being the endless possibilities of the future.

When I was younger I could never picture myself getting old. For most kids that’s normal, but not for me. I thought because I couldn’t picture it, it meant I would never make it to the time when I was old. Now, I must mention that I have an anger issue; I got counseling for it in elementary school. I loved to be mad. It gave me a sense of strength. I am a small girl, any extra strength in a world like today is appreciated. Therefore, when I thought about how I would die I assumed that I would piss off the wrong person and get murdered. As my depression progressed over the years my idea changed from murder to suicide. I was always too scared to go through with it though. I would think about how my mom and dad would react and fell guilty for even considering it.

Now that I am getting help I can see all the possibilities I once thought were never possible. I crave to try everything (within reason of course). I am determined when I put my mind to something. When I got my first job I wanted a car. I saved money for almost a year and bought one. Me, a 17-year-old girl, bought her first car. I have used that determination to keep me going through the days when I am down. I will think about the future, all the possibilities, and it will snap me back into reality.

The thing about endless possibilities is that literally anything is possible. If you dream it, you can do it. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to travel the world. That voice in the back of my mind, the depression, told me that it would never happen. However, I am determined to live my life the best I can now that I appreciate it. Traveling is not the only possibility I see however; I see a loving husband, a nice house, a white Christmas, a happy puppy, and a girl who loves her life. (Me, I am that girl by the way) So why not go travel? Why not go see the sites that blow your mind? Why not be the person I have always wanted to be?

None of this will come instantly, or easily for that matter. I am currently a freshman at Georgia Gwinnett College. It is my first semester and I have had to take out a loan and buy all my textbooks out of pocket. I am 18; I cannot afford that. Growing up I learned one thing; money rules the world. You cannot do anything without money. Dates cost money, movies cost money, living costs money, and craziest of all any college job a student has will not provide enough money for a decent living, let alone pay for college. All the possibilities I see need money. Whoever said money can not buy happiness is wrong. In order to do anything in todays society you need money; therefore, happiness and money are connected. I am not saying you have to be rich to be happy. You do, however, need some money in order to keep a house and go to places like the fair or to a movie.

I hear stories about people in their late fifties still paying off student loans. I do not want to be that person. I want to graduate with as little debt as possible, so I can enjoy my life and not worry about my debt. This is why I am applying to as many scholarships as I can, in the hopes that one day my life can be what I have only ever dreamed it could be; a crazy, happy, fun-filled life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *