What Inspires You in Life by Ashley T.

What Inspires You in Life by Ashley T.

The potential in people.

I feel like there are so many people who have never been believed in, who don’t know themselves or their heritage, who feel lost and unknown… and even those who have discovered some things about themselves that they pursue, they have merely scratched the surface of their potential.

Growing up, life in my family was full of abuse of every kind – physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, mental. I and my ten siblings were very isolated from the rest of the world. I learned to keep my mouth shut, my head down, and stay out of trouble as much as possible. So I watched and listened. One of my siblings was beautiful and knew it. She wanted to be a gymnast or model. Neither were approved. She spiraled into a life of sexually abusing others and getting in bad situations with men when she got older. Another sibling had the voice of an angel. Well, that was made fun of till she stopped singing. Her soprano voice is now lost to the world as it was never developed and she is still trapped in the abusive family situation… possibly forever. A brother who was gifted with voice-overs and acting was denied access to that world because it might go to his head, pull him down the wrong path, and my mom couldn’t be bothered to open a checking account for him that she couldn’t touch. I saw gifts and abilities abounding in my ten siblings and grieved as who they were, their gifts and abilities, their talents… were systematically squashed, made fun of, and replaced with either missionary goals or military.

Even I was told that as a woman, my place was to get married young, have tons of babies, homeschool, serve my husband and clean house… and maybe after all my ten or more kids were grown, then I could maybe, maybe, consider pursuing my dreams of anything different.

I got married at twenty-one. I am now twenty-seven and have four children. It might appear that my family’s plan for my life is being carried out.

However, a couple years ago there was a radical shift.

In December 2015, I discovered that every single one of my siblings had been sexually abused. I thought it was only me. My abuser had tried to get me to let other kids join in the abuse, but I refused. So, I thought I was the only one and had protected my siblings by receiving the abuse and not allowing them to be brought in. That was a very dark week when I learned the truth.

I had just had my 2nd child and had been struggling with severe post-partum depression. The news sent me over the edge, and I almost committed suicide. My husband intervened in time.

Over the next six months, I struggled with my family, confronting my abusers about the abuse of me and others. The family fought back. Hard.

So, in June 2016 I “divorced” from my parents and most of my siblings.

Best. Decision. Of. My. Life.

I got counseling. I allowed myself to parent MY way (no spankings, kindness, willingness to say sorry when I mess up, allowing my kids to associate with other kids, setting my kids up to go to public school, etc.). I also pursued things outside the home [GASP!] – I help fundraise for my local library, I am Secretary and a Board Member for the Guy-Albion Historical Society, I volunteer at the Albion Food Pantry, and I am a Town Council Member for the Town of Albion, WA.

I also decided that I also wanted to pursue my Master’s degree and I saw a Master of Science in Management with a focus in Public Administration as an opportunity to learn how to serve my community better as well as grow myself.

Before I got away from my family, I would see untapped potential in others (even in myself) and simply have to sit there and watch it be squashed… and all I could do was mourn.

Now, I am getting the healing and tools I need to not only see things in others (and myself) but to encourage those things! As part of the Historical Society, I can help people unlock their heritage and connect with their or their family’s past. As part of the food pantry I can help people get the resources they need to be more able to pursue who they are and what they want to do in the present without as much pressure from food expenses. And as Town Council Member, I am trying to enable everyone to get the services they need to live fulfilling lives and have a stable environment for their and their children’s futures.

I really enjoy all the volunteer work I currently do, though I feel like it is more secondary – removing obstacles in people’s way so they will be more likely have opportunities to unlock their potential – than on the frontlines of helping them discover their potential on a more personal, one-on-one basis…. I am still unpacking myself and trying to discover whether I should pursue the more primary or stick with the secondary aspect of this joyous endeavor.

Either way, I know that others inspire me. And I want to inspire them to become the most THEMSELVES that they can possibly be. And I want to help remove all hindrances that keep them locked up and held back.

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